We might not be able to give a single generally acceptable meaning of love but one thing is sure; everyone knows when they experience love.The warmth and expression of love in its simplest form can be felt by its recipient —who tells a three-month old baby to smile back at you when you are smiling at him/her? Children as young as they may be seem to read your mood and respond in similar way.
I’ve had to counsel parents with very difficult child upbringing experience to change their attitude toward each other as one of the things to help the child calm down and it worked tremendously well. Apart from the fact that children are copy cats, they can tell if there is love and what else would a young and innocent soul be looking forward to?
Love in itself means different things to different people. There was a time I did an article on ‘THE MEANING OF LOVE’ – explaining how men, women and children interpret/appreciate love but this time, the focus is basically on the word ‘Love’ and how it consolidates relationships.
People do ask; “How do I know that he really loves me?” “How can I tell she is not just after my fat bank account?” “Is there any special sign that distinguishes genuine lovers from fake?” “The love we had at the beginning of the relationship/marriage is lost, we just don’t feel anything anymore for each other, should we still continue?”The questions keep pouring in and believe it, I could go on and again because I’ve heard quite a few.
Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge are familiar terrain for most of us who’ve found time to research on love as it concerns the ancient Greek but I still do not want to talk about them exclusively – my attraction is a practical experience of what would make a man/woman confess “I have found love”.
How many people in the first place can genuinely say this? I know some do but right in their closet, they are actually weeping and wishing things were the other way round. What they show to the outside world then becomes a show. It’s good to protect your marriage but don’t give unnecessary false impression. Work on it if need be and hope for the best.
One controversial question I’ve come across is: “What type of love should exist between couples?” I know people with a good heart will hurriedly say “Agape”-where you love without restrictions and inhibitions. This sounds good and I’m sure we all would love to experience it but again, will it on its own produce a sound and realistic home? Don’t forget, it is much easier to love people from a distance than when they come close, so close to you that their weaknesses and yours now become clear.
At this point, if you are not careful, you begin to criticize, complain, nag and generally ask for better value. Does this sound true? If it does and it’s really something you have done before, would you say you stopped loving that person when there was a misunderstanding? No, you still love the fellow but only desire some adjustment in the right angle. Now can you still fit in the concept of agape love? Mind you, agape love has no conditions- you just love the person for no particular reason.
If you are sincere, did you choose your spouse for no reason at all? Then you would have married any other person but you took your time, looked around, and asked for the very best within your reach.
Apart from some instances where people marry for selfish reasons like wealth and what they can benefit, real people seeking to settle in peaceful, loving environment take time to check out the personalities of others before they commit themselves to this long and endless journey called marriage.
People say stuff like “I love her because she is reserved”. “He is a hard working young man”. “She comes from a disciplined home”. “He conducts himself well”. “She’s very respectful”. “He is kind hearted”. These are examples of things we look out for as we dream of a happy home and finally commit to marriage; how come you now want to fool me that you love people irrespective of what they are?
Or is that why they say love is blind? No way! Infatuation can be blind and is really blind but true love will open your eyes to the facts of life. It is said that infatuation induces a state of reduced cognitive function during which faults are ignored and can last for as long as two years of you just knowing a person. Is this why people think their love for each other died? No, you were never really in love; the physical romantic attraction-infatuation, is just giving way to reality.
Relationship as it were, fis not always a bed of roses. Sometimes you wonder if there would ever be a way out of your differences. At this point, you may want to encourage yourself, hope for the best or simply back out but I believe making up your mind to get the best out of it engenders more reward.
Finding something good in a person marks a positive point in relationships. If you are looking for a spouse without fault, I’m afraid you might search for ever. Concentrating on the good part of each other diminishes the bad and helps you love him/her deeply. This is why working on your person to attain a certain level of maturity before settling into marriage cannot be over emphasised.
Mature people who are set for family life would naturally look out for spouses they can tolerate just as the ancient proverb defines love as “a high form of tolerance”.
So love on one hand is your DECISION to tolerate the other party irrespective of their shortcomings. One way you can achieve this to focus on the positive side of the fellow and exercise patience while the rest get better.
Source: Aidy Thomas, PM News
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