A wife's dishonesty may come from a place of compassion, or may just be
an attempt to please or placate you. But, the truth is, no one wants to
share a bed with Pinocchio. So when should your B.S. detector sound?
Listen for these seven common catchphrases--and prepare to call her
bluff.
1. "This dress was on sale."
It wasn't. In your wife's mind, saving money ("It was half off!")
negates spending it--and therefore reduces the odds that you'll blow up
at her about blowing the budget. "This is often taught by the mother:
Always downplay. Never reveal how much something really cost," says
Barash. And her need to protect her image may overpower her desire for
honesty. "We think a man will judge us for our spending habits, and that
he'll think we're silly or frivolous," says DeAnne Lorraine, a Los
Angeles-based dating coach. "We don't want him to think we're a
liability."
2. "You have the biggest penis I've ever seen."
You don't. This is what psychologists call an "altruistic lie"--an
untruthful compliment designed to shield you from embarrassment. "Most
women have one ex-boyfriend that was enormous," says Lorraine. "But
among the rest, there were only miniscule differences. So why not tell
this guy he's the biggest?" Read: Unless you're packing some serious
sausage, you probably aren't top dog. But you're so similar to the
others that she can convince herself you've got a quarter inch more to
offer. "It's not like it really matters to us, but it matters to men,"
says Lorraine. "So we'll stroke their egos."
3. "I've only slept with two men."
More like four. Most women can spout off their past partners' names as
quickly as you can your fantasy-league roster. So, no, a few guys from
college don't just accidentally get lost in the shuffle. "Women always
minimize how many sexual partners they've had, mostly because they want
to seem pristine," says Barash. By Lorraine's estimates, doubling her
number will give you a more accurate picture of her past. "Women will
say, 'That one didn't count,' because it only lasted a few minutes, they
were really drunk, or never saw the guy again, even though it really
was sex," she says.
4. "I don't want anything for our anniversary."
Yeah, and you don't really want to win the lottery. "We're saying what
we think our partner wants to hear," says Barash. "But then the
resentment builds." Translation: Your wife may scoff at the idea of a
gift, but still expects you to surprise her with a dozen roses and the
purse she's been lusting after. "We don't want to seem needy or
demanding," says Lorraine. "It's silly, but we want our partner to read
our minds. We assume he's intuitive enough to know we do want a gift."
(Heading for the altar? You might be surprised at these
5. "I'm in no hurry to have kids."
Guess again. Maybe she's not gunning to get pregnant ASAP, but
somewhere in her brain, there's a clock counting down. "Women know men
don't like to be rushed--that if we try to push them, they're just going
to be turned off," says Lorraine. "So we act like we're cool, like our
biological clocks aren't ticking. But, really, once we hit a certain
age, we're freaking out inside, worrying our eggs are expiring soon."
Even if your wife is only 25, she still has a timeline in mind, no
matter how "go with the flow" she seems.
6. "I'm totally cool with your poker nights."
Not always. Your guys' nights may give her permission to binge-watch
Scandal, but she won't be so receptive if you hold one every weekend.
"It's in a woman's biological nature to want a committed partner, and to
want to be around him a lot," says Lorraine. Problem is, women know men
relish their freedom--and that commandeering every night of your week
can push you away. "No woman wants to seem needy," says Barash. "So she
won't be totally honest about her feelings toward your commitments, or
what she expects from you time-wise."
7. "I wouldn't change anything about you."
She totally would. If your wife sounds like a Hallmark card, she
probably is genuinely expressing her love--just with a little
exaggeration. "When it comes to the big picture, women will rarely rock
the boat, especially in a committed relationship," says Barash. "But the
fact is, she wishes you'd lose 10 pounds, maybe 20, had a different
job, or weren't so cheap." But according to her mental calculations, she
has more to gain by keeping her mouth shut--and the relationship
happy--than by complaining.
Culled from shine.yahoo.com
No comments:
Post a Comment