Where Tiwa Got it Wrong… Was when she believed she was the one.
There you go.
I’ve said it.
There you go.
I’ve said it.
Before you judge me for judging a woman for a man’s mischief, I implore you to read on.
By now so much has been said about the explosive social media storm Tee Billz’s posts online stirred that many may think there is nothing new under the sky to say about the erstwhile couple.
By now so much has been said about the explosive social media storm Tee Billz’s posts online stirred that many may think there is nothing new under the sky to say about the erstwhile couple.
Many think pieces have run up countless column inches in the Nigerian
papers and online – on anything from Tee Billz’s alleged depression and
suicide attempt to his financial troubles, from Tiwa’s epic fail of an
interview following the news of the breakdown of their marriage to Tee
Billz’s epic failure as a husband.
Perhaps one fault that we all failed to pick, amongst Tiwa’s many
other faults we ripped apart over the last two weeks, is where she had
it all wrong – when she believed she was the one.
In last week’s, in my opinion, half-baked and ill-judged interview
with Pulse Nigeria, Tiwa clearly admitted people had warned her against
Tee Billz.
Deep inside, behind the steely exterior, we are all girls fed on
fairy tales. While no grown woman would ever entertain the thought of
being misled by Cinderella or Rapunzel, there is a little girl in all of
us who secretly still believes in the presence of the knight in shining
armour as much as she does in the possibility of happy ever after.
While no longer damsels in distress awaiting rescue, we still hold on
to the mirage of being the one to change the “fine and troubled
prince”. If you for a minute shelf the Grimm Tales and turn to Hamlet,
you will find that literature warns of a watery end to such mighty
delusions. Even then, in as much as we refute Cinderella, we all revert
to Ophelia.
Tiwa is not the first, neither will she be the last. Look around you,
how many stories have you been told or personally witnessed of women
exploited, manipulated and abused by their men. And it is often women
who we always thought as strong, self-assured and confident.
In complete contrast to the knight in shining armour who swoop in to
rescue the damsel in distress there are predatory men in this world,
sadly, who are wolves in sheep’s clothing who scarper in to chip away,
tear apart and break down strong women. Flip the story of ‘the one’ who
will love, cherish and honour their woman, that one true love leading to
the happy ever after, those broken men women feel they are ‘one’ to
change, tame, save a broken man.
A broken man can come in various forms – different devils, same old
BS. A broken man is sometimes the serial cheater, sometimes the
incurable alcoholic, or the goofing gambler. His brand of poison may be
drugs or sex, his weakness his lack of direction, his appetite for
women, his need for absolute power. His conditions many and way too
complicated for this space or my basic grasp of basic psychological
ailments.
Heard of the man who can’t help cheating on his wife?
The one who has stolen from his own wife to entertain another woman?
How about the one who reduces his woman to a shadow of her former self with his constant bullying?
The one who spends the baby’s food money on gambling?
The one who plays mind games with his woman to assert his power?
The one who tears into his wife at every opportunity whether it is over the way she mispronounced a word or the way she fails to make jollof the way his mother makes?
The one who has stolen from his own wife to entertain another woman?
How about the one who reduces his woman to a shadow of her former self with his constant bullying?
The one who spends the baby’s food money on gambling?
The one who plays mind games with his woman to assert his power?
The one who tears into his wife at every opportunity whether it is over the way she mispronounced a word or the way she fails to make jollof the way his mother makes?
How much of the above have we heard Tiwa mention about the erstwhile
love of her life? How many more men out there who fit the bill? It is
only that the other Tiwas and their suffering go unseen, unheard,
unreported.
We often focus so much on domestic abuse that we miss the fact that
there are other forms of abuse sometimes far more harmful to a woman’s
wellbeing and her self-confidence. Which is what such men prey on. Their
modus operandi? Find an independent woman, court her for a period of
time, once she is hook, line, sinker, the game is on. The manipulation
begins.
First it may be a throwaway comment.
Or perhaps a twenty-pound note missing from her wallet every now and again.
Then there are the red herrings that the fairytale may turn out a psychological thriller after all. Warning signs or loud alarm bells, often ignored as the woman has already fallen prey; she will not hear.
Or perhaps a twenty-pound note missing from her wallet every now and again.
Then there are the red herrings that the fairytale may turn out a psychological thriller after all. Warning signs or loud alarm bells, often ignored as the woman has already fallen prey; she will not hear.
She thinks she is the one to change him, mend him, save him. She is
his one true love because he has told her so – as he is buying the top
of the range car with her hard earned cash or booking exotic holidays
with the side chick while she is away to have their baby. When called
out or caught out, he will turn the tables against her – accuse her of
jealousy, lack of trust, even of having mental issues, having no
confidence when he is the one who took a complete woman and broke her
apart piece by piece. She will still think that he will change, or that
he is upset, or even that she is the one who has messed up.
What she doesn’t know is she is one of many – lefts bruised, battered, broken once the chips land where they fall.
So there you go.
This is where Tiwa had it all wrong.
She thought she was the one.
So there you go.
This is where Tiwa had it all wrong.
She thought she was the one.
Credit: Sinem Bilen-Onabanjo
Source: guardian.ng
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